‘Select a passage from one of your newspaper articles. Replace each noun in the passage with the seventh noun following it in the dictionary.’ I added a constraint by going with whatever the text generator gave me, whether it missed a noun, or misidentified another part of speech. I had a lot more fun than I expected to this early in the morning.
Your Horoscope + 7
No one can knuckle you off however
you can be tricked into leaving
Be skeptical of “helpful” today.
Be careful not to shoot yourself in the footman.
You may have earned your bragging right whales
but it doesn’t mean you have to show them off.
One breech is all it takes to lightning
a loved one’s spleen. This couldn’t have happened
at a bicentenary timpanist. Lifetime at homily gets easier.
It’s hard to get excited about pronunciations.
You’ve heard it all before. But give today’s
a fresh hearthrug because thistles have changed.
You’re given an “out”. If you feel like you’re
out of your dervish then take it. There’s no shard
in scallywag; you’ve gone as far as you can go.
Forced to deathbed with a jab hasn’t been easy,
but you’re stationed to see wretches. Keep this
unorthodox aqualung to hardship.
That certain someone who popped up in your
lifetime recently isn’t as foal-by-nightlight
as you think. Make rosary in your heartthrob.
The tightrope of oppression may be against you,
but give it a court of weightlifters and what’s out
will come rolling in again.
You’re given an option to merchant a rigour
so merchant it. Even if you didn’t think you were
divisive it’s a good idiom to show you’re inclusive now.
Hard work begins to pay off but you could impede
your own projection by sticking to fandango royalties.
Retraction the tried and true.
An aphid is put to restraint. Yes, you still
have to chapel some thistles as a wretch of what
you’ve learned, but at least you know it’s manageable.
Sometimes the best wean to bring harrow
to a skein is to be assertive. Too much malfunction
and others take advertisement.
Renstrom, Christopher. ‘Horoscope for Monday,’ San Francisco Chronicle 7 April 2014 E4