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NaPoWriMo: Glee With 23

23 Apr

Miz Q asks for a quatern or a cascade, or both [both!]. You will notice right away, I am sure, that mine resembles neither. I love anything that involves a repeating line, but got too wrapped up in a cascade that’s going to take me a week or two. So… Earth Day. At least, earth.

I took a poem I like but with which I have no luck with editors. I figured, What the heck. Into the cut up machine it goes. The result is fun. In fact, I may take some of the new images and use them in the original.

 

Pulled for revision.

 

 
19 Comments

Posted by on 23/04/2013 in exercises, poetry, writing

 

Tags: , ,

19 responses to “NaPoWriMo: Glee With 23

  1. Hannah Gosselin

    23/04/2013 at 2:41 pm

    “a sinuous spinal weave
    dips undulates snakes”

    from the first this is my fave and then this:

    “earth windows” and “burrows look underground
    and see us as earth”

    From the second…

    Really very loamy feeling…yes, loamy and bony…Great words and work, Margo!! :)’s

     
    • margo roby

      23/04/2013 at 2:44 pm

      I’m going to enjoy meshing the images, Hannah. I feel the loamy-ness, too!

      I’m always so glad to see you. Yep, I’m smiling as I write :-).

       
      • Hannah Gosselin

        23/04/2013 at 2:46 pm

        I’m always SO glad to see you, too, Margo!! These will mesh nicely, indeed! I feel a visual art piece in this, too…do you do any? Painting or anything like that… πŸ™‚

         
        • margo roby

          23/04/2013 at 2:53 pm

          hahahahahaha

          okay, collecting myself… I cannot even do a reasonable stick figure. I can sit and free hand draw architectural things and I can sometimes copy an object that’s right in front of me. But, my brain isn’t wired to see the possibilities.

          I love art and know enough to appreciate it. Have done so all my life. Sigh. I only learned, sort of, how do do a collage, sort of, when making my husband’s anniversary present last year.

          Hmm. I seem to have pent up feelings! My envy of some of the artwork happening at the pulitzer remix event!

           
          • Hannah Gosselin

            23/04/2013 at 4:18 pm

            I got a phone call…here I am…art…I think we all have it in our blood…I like what you have to say about it and with nurturing I bet something very uniquely you and “art,” would arrive!!! I think you’ll be creating something…when you mentioned the architecture I thought of the boney part of the poem…I see vertebrae with all the parts named drawn on graph paper…I see colors and fiber…some deep brown swaths of paint some fibrous window stringed in and blue shining through…I think there’s so much out there to be made and whether it’s art or not it still feels good to play!! Funny that you mention collage…I made my first in a long time by ripping pieces of paper….news paper and a volume of this cool pub called inner tapestry…any way I just picked a spot on the wooden floor set a sheet of newspaper under it and placed and stacked until I liked it…I took a picture of it and photo-shopped for clarity etc. it’s my face book cover right now and on my blog for a poem I wrote recently. Point being…that’s not really art but it sort of is? It was fun…if you want to do it you should. πŸ™‚ Wow…didn’t expect that did ya? Me neither. πŸ˜‰

             
            • margo roby

              23/04/2013 at 5:02 pm

              BIG grin. No I was not expecting that, but what fun! The biggest problem I probably have with art and definitely collage, is allowing myself to just do it [I don’t know what I think I am going to break]. The book I made for Skip is each year we have been married — 40 years, each page a collage, or scrapbook type entry. I had to learn to do both, but I am much further forwarder than I was. I am loving your vision. I see it clearly — that’s never a problem if someone describes it ;-), but I do feel a stirring of the brain, so I may surprise myself. If I do, you’ll see the first photograph.
              πŸ˜€

               
              • Hannah Gosselin

                23/04/2013 at 6:17 pm

                Oh!! How cool that would (will) be!!! Wow, that scrapbook sounds intense! I bet it took a lot of recalling and keeping years straight…I’m awful at that! My poor kids don’t have baby books but I’ve written about each of them in my poetry…maybe some year I’ll put them together…still I have a hard time telling one year from another. πŸ™‚ I’m glad that idea was stirring! πŸ™‚ Thanks for the awesome talks… fun times.

                 
  2. Quickly

    23/04/2013 at 3:01 pm

    I really like the original. I’m guessing you already tried narrowing the tip and tail.
    This feels like it should be part of something else, like the haiku in a haibun.

    You know what would be cool? A travel/day poem in four parts: earth, air, fire, water

     
    • margo roby

      23/04/2013 at 3:13 pm

      Barbara, oooh to both ideas. Well, good, something for May. I will be swinging in the wind. This sounds like a fun direction. I have a possible air…
      her needlenose thrusts forward
      hungrily her sweptback featherless
      wings silksleek metalskin close
      around him extensions of his arms
      his thoughts bringing her off
      the ground skydolphin rolling
      belly up sidesweeping the currents
      hovering skycradled
      at the apex of their swing
      tasting the air
      swimming lazily in looping curves
      slideslipping to touch the clouds
      with soaring swirls and pirouettes
      until he sets her drifting drifting
      downwards gentlesoft as a feather

      hmmm need caffeine…

       
      • Quickly

        23/04/2013 at 3:16 pm

        Maybe you do–she needs a cigarette.

         
      • Hannah Gosselin

        23/04/2013 at 4:23 pm

        I like this!!! Such lofty spaces to be in…love the motion and the words you use…and I really love that you use drifting twice in the second to last line!! πŸ™‚

         
  3. Pamela

    23/04/2013 at 5:21 pm

    I really like the original, and there are some neat images in the cut up version, Margo.

    Pamela

     
    • margo roby

      23/04/2013 at 5:23 pm

      Thank you, Pamela. I think I can use the images from the second to turn the first [which I like, too] into something an editor might be more excited about.

      margo

       
  4. julespaige

    23/04/2013 at 7:43 pm

    I like the first. I haven’t played with the cut up machine yet.
    Thanks for your visits. I had my small boy-chick most of the day and now it’s 7:30pm and I’m trying to play catch up.

    I see your wind snake winding through the city through the tall buildings. While wind also gets wild in the suburbs and country – I think it is more swooping than a snake through steel city blocks.

    I like that middle piece you threw in with the combining or compounding of words that usually don’t mix. I bet spell check just loved that! “Skydophin rolling” “gentlesoft” neat and fun.

     
    • margo roby

      24/04/2013 at 1:52 pm

      Spell check went nuts. I laughed and hit Publish.

       
  5. Elizabeth

    23/04/2013 at 8:32 pm

    I also like the first and really enjoyed the conversation between you and Hannah. I believe that creativity (some call it art) is a built in healing agent within every individual. My older sister was the “artist” in our family, I was the singer hankering after color and texture and all those other things. Found poetry when I was almost forty and haven’t looked back since. It gave me the gift to try all those things I had always wanted to do. I have put up an image with each poem through this month. Each image is mine, whether photographed, manipulated, drawn, painted, or simply played with. I owe poetry so much for setting all of that free. I also believe that when you finally tap into that built in source, it immediately spreads to most, if not all other areas of ones life. That has been my experience, and I am certainly not a rare or exotic creature.

    Elizabeth
    http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/2013/04/23/spring-meltdown/

     
  6. matt at shadow of iris

    07/05/2013 at 3:32 am

    I can’t make up my mind about which poem I like better, perhaps the first, but I really love these two lines from the second:
    **undulates sinuous sways
    winds belly long**

    The words just roll off the tongue in a lovely manner! πŸ™‚

     
    • margo roby

      07/05/2013 at 7:08 am

      A new voice! Welcome, Matt, and thank you. Lovely to have you here and joining in.
      πŸ™‚

       

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