NaPoWriMo: Still Alive at #5

05 Apr

Hullo, again. Yesterday’s prompt, by Poets & Writers, gives us several single lines and asks that we choose one to embed, and to repeat, within a poem. I loved the lines and broke the rules. I used three lines with barely anything added by me, other than structure, repetition, and a new poem.

Lines used:

“When I die, I want your hands on my eyes,”
Pablo Neruda, “Sonnet 89”

“Green, how I want you green.”
Federico García Lorca, “Romance Sonambulo”

“My quietness has a man in it, he is transparent,”
Frank O’Hara, “In Memory of My Feelings”


When I die, my quietness
has a man in it.

He is transparent.

When I die, I will beg of him,
Green, how I want you

green, us young again.

When I die, I will say to him,
I want your hands on my eyes.

The last hands, his.


Posted by on 05/04/2013 in exercises, poetry, writing


Tags: , , , ,

16 responses to “NaPoWriMo: Still Alive at #5

  1. Quickly

    05/04/2013 at 12:01 pm

    Very tasty. Another case of breaking the rules as a good idea.
    I may have to mosey over there,

    • margo roby

      05/04/2013 at 12:05 pm

      Thank’y, ma’am! I like their stuff, although some of them are quite complex. I’m working on your prompt for today with Joseph’s, for tomorrow!

      • Quickly

        05/04/2013 at 12:38 pm

        I just did mine for today mixed with Joseph’s for yesterday (with a pinch of WWP)
        It does get to be a scramble doesn’t it? I miss RWP more and more.

        • margo roby

          05/04/2013 at 1:04 pm

          I was lucky, in a way, in that I came in just after the RWP era. I hear legends, though.

        • Pamela

          05/04/2013 at 8:13 pm

          Barb, RWP, was self-contained. We are now all over the place. We kind of became orphans after ultimately Big Tent went down, and then everyone went their own way. Well, that is the way I see it.

  2. viv blake

    05/04/2013 at 5:28 pm

    Oh yes, please: green us young again. A yearning mood is created by your poem.

    • margo roby

      05/04/2013 at 5:59 pm

      Thanks, ViV. I do like those lines!

  3. Misky

    05/04/2013 at 6:37 pm

    This is stunningly beautiful, Margo. It’s magical and lush.

    • margo roby

      06/04/2013 at 9:39 am

      I wish I could claim the whole, Misk. Thank you.

  4. Pamela

    05/04/2013 at 7:13 pm

    Finally, I made it over to comment on your lovely poem. You had from the start with Neruda. Very nicely done, Margo.


    • margo roby

      06/04/2013 at 9:38 am

      Thank you, Pamela. I love working with Neruda. I had a full cento with his lines that was published in The Found Poetry Review. That’s what got me invited to the Pulitzer Remix.

  5. Elizabeth

    05/04/2013 at 8:11 pm

    Luscious is the word that comes to mind, Margo, one beautiful poem.


    • margo roby

      06/04/2013 at 9:37 am

      Thank you, Elizabeth. I wish the words were mine!



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