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Poem in Response to Wordle 55

06 May

Hello everyone.

One of the problems with having the brain fix on a direction is that I can’t shift it. I like parts of this but I don’t know about the whole. A different structure perhaps, but I will have to wait until my head feels less cotton-y. Colds are the devil.

Evening Out Her Window

Each evening when she pulls the curtains
shut, in her bedroom facing South, she stops
a moment. The scene she sees is never
exactly the same, as if each day someone
picks up this giant snow globe of a world
and turns it down, up, down, up. Flakes

vibrate, sift, resettle and she pauses to look
out the window. Gold and green bulbs
trace the skyline of mid-town Atlanta.
The fluorescent white of a new moon cuts
a sliver in the cobalt contrast of the late
evening sky, the blue deep as if from

an artist’s fresh grind, the night clear
and newly painted. Near the horizon, a dot
tips a wink at the cosmos — Venus laughing
as she says, C’mon, take a chance, hook
a star. Above her, Jupiter aligns his neon
bulk, as the heavens reflect a blueprint
of light emerging from eons past.

The inspiration, as it is every Sunday, is Brenda’s The Sunday Whirl. This week she tells us, the words come from her daughter’s Teen Vogue magazine.

Happy writing, all.

 
44 Comments

Posted by on 06/05/2012 in exercises, poetry, writing

 

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44 responses to “Poem in Response to Wordle 55

  1. Marianne

    06/05/2012 at 9:16 am

    Love this one, Margo! “The blue deep as if from an artist’s fresh grind,” and “the night clear and newly painted” are wonderful! You have so MANY gorgeous images in this poem.

    My desk is positioned in front of windows and I spend a lot of time admiring the always changing view.

     
    • margo roby

      06/05/2012 at 9:19 am

      Mine is too, Marianne, and I also spend a lot of time looking out. I have an old report card from 5th grade. The teacher’s comment: Margo spends too much time looking out the window.

      I haven’t changed..

       
  2. Mary

    06/05/2012 at 9:16 am

    I savored the last stanza, as it made me contemplate how vast the heavens are and how what we see actually originated eons ago. I love the playful personality of Venus and would love to be able to hook a star!

     
    • margo roby

      06/05/2012 at 9:20 am

      Mary, I would love to be able to express the wonder of that light that shines somewhere else millions of years ago while we are seeing it. An incredible concept.

       
  3. whimsygizmo

    06/05/2012 at 9:29 am

    Love this, Margo. Especially that last stanza. “the night clear
    and newly painted.” and those naughty planets. 😉
    My words themselves were a little naughty this week. Heehee.

     
    • margo roby

      06/05/2012 at 9:36 am

      I’m smiling already, de. Can’t wait to see them.

       
  4. brenda w

    06/05/2012 at 9:52 am

    There’s a strong feeling of hope rising in this piece, Margo, maybe it starts with a fresh scene everyday…the snow globe’s shake. My favorite line is “the deep blue as if from an artist’s fresh grind.” Wow! rich phrasing…

     
  5. Daydreamertoo

    06/05/2012 at 10:18 am

    Oh, I love this. Love anything to do with the sky and stars. Especially loved Venus winking..such a flirt ..lol
    Great use of the prompt Margo.

     
  6. Mariya Koleva

    06/05/2012 at 11:08 am

    great imagery! Loved this poem, Margo.
    Best, M.

     
    • margo roby

      06/05/2012 at 11:35 am

      Thanks, Mariya. I appreciate the comment.

       
  7. b_y

    06/05/2012 at 11:15 am

    You must be muzzy-headed if you’re dissatisfied with this piece. (only part I could see changing is the one everyone else likes. go figure) Love the idea of snow globe-ing Atlanta.

     
    • margo roby

      06/05/2012 at 11:36 am

      That’s it, Barb, muzzy-headed. Though, I agree with you. That’s the line that would go first in a revision.

       
      • tmhHoover

        06/05/2012 at 11:52 pm

        I am with the both of you. But I am in love with the pause after flakes-

         
  8. Mr. Walker

    06/05/2012 at 11:24 am

    Your brain fixed on what it wanted to – and it works beautifully. I like how it moves from her window, to the colors, gold and green, cobalt and blue, to the planets and stars. And the artist reference at the end recalled the effort of Impressionists to capture the specificity of light at different times of the day, which is going on in your poem as well.

    Richard

     
    • margo roby

      06/05/2012 at 11:39 am

      My brain tends to, Richard. Probably all our brains do. Thank you for calling it beautiful in its mysterious workings. Your reference to the Impressionists gives me an idea and a direction for a revision. As always, your comments are much appreciated.

      margo

       
  9. wordsandthoughtspjs

    06/05/2012 at 11:27 am

    Margo, I agree with Barb. You must not be feeling well, if you are dissatisfied with this. You have a painted a lovely scene of longing and hope. I love the part about the snow globe.

    Pamela

     
    • margo roby

      06/05/2012 at 11:40 am

      Thank you, Pamela 🙂 I am smiling now. Muzzy-headed, but smiling. I love muzzy-headed.

      margo

       
  10. Laurie Kolp

    06/05/2012 at 2:16 pm

    So clever, creative. Really loved this:

    The scene she sees is never
    exactly the same, as if each day someone
    picks up this giant snow globe of a world
    and turns it down, up, down, up

     
  11. julespaige

    06/05/2012 at 2:34 pm

    It is wonderful that we take different ‘paths’ – I was thinking mine was a bit ‘sappy’ but as a continuation…
    I like what was said, by Richard…that you have painted a picture and I think of Van Gogh’s ‘Starry Starry Night’ and the words of McClain’s song that continue with; “Paint your pallet blue and grey, look out on a summers’ day with eyes that watch the world and can’t forget, the strangers that we’ve met….”
    ~J

     
  12. markwindham

    06/05/2012 at 4:02 pm

    I do like the play on multiple colors and the capture of a moment, different every time. The snow globe of Atlanta, on this first hot weekend of the year, is a nice contrast. Muzzy-headed is good (phrase, not feeling, of course).

     
    • margo roby

      06/05/2012 at 4:18 pm

      Muzzy–headed is good isn’t it. I haven’t heard it in a long time, but it fits. Skip bought mint julep fixings today. I hope to feel muzzy-headed enough not to care. Just recline in my recliner comatose 😀

       
      • markwindham

        06/05/2012 at 4:25 pm

        😉
        that was beer and margaritas for me last night after a full day in the sun at the track meet.

         
        • margo roby

          06/05/2012 at 4:27 pm

          Nice! After a full day inn the sun nothing is more perfect 🙂

           
  13. The Happy Amateur

    06/05/2012 at 4:51 pm

    Love the “giant snow globe of a world!” Love the cosmic feel of the poem.

     
    • margo roby

      06/05/2012 at 5:34 pm

      Thank you, Sasha! Now, when you feel shaken, you’ll know why.

       
  14. 1sojournal

    06/05/2012 at 4:52 pm

    Love “a dot tips a wink at the cosmos.” See it and nod my head in acknowledgement. The wordles can be both difficult and crazy fun. Guess that brings us all a measure of balance.

    Elizabeth
    http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/2012/05/06/still-possibilities/

     
    • margo roby

      06/05/2012 at 5:35 pm

      Elizabeth, I am reading a mystery series that talks a lot about the Navajo religion, which is all about balance. It sounds like a religion I would like were I religious. Beauty in balance and balance in beauty.

       
  15. vivinfrance

    06/05/2012 at 5:31 pm

    I like this a lot, Margo, and the theme is perfect for the Wordle words. I don’t know if this is American English, but in UK English we say “looking out of ( or at a pinch, through) the window”, so that out the window seems strange.

     
    • margo roby

      06/05/2012 at 5:38 pm

      I say ‘looking out of the window’ normally, ViV, but that’s one syllable too many. The Americans do say’ looking out the window’. I rather think that I say both without much thought, as I am more aware of where I definitely speak English English.

       
      • vivinfrance

        06/05/2012 at 5:42 pm

        Oops – syllable counting is one of my poetic bêtes noirs, so I didn’t even notice. I always work on stresses instead of syllables (except with haiku-type poems)

         
  16. irene

    06/05/2012 at 9:08 pm

    Ooh another starry piece. I love looking out the window, Margo.

     
    • margo roby

      07/05/2012 at 2:24 pm

      My favourite occupation, Irene!

       
  17. Diane Belleville

    06/05/2012 at 10:08 pm

    WOW, wow, wow. You are a poet sublime. Wow!

     
  18. tmhHoover

    06/05/2012 at 11:58 pm

    You may be muzzy headed, but your words paint with gentle clarity, things we all need to see.

     
    • margo roby

      07/05/2012 at 2:25 pm

      Thank you, Teri. Your comments always make me smile.

       
  19. pmwanken

    07/05/2012 at 10:46 am

    I loved the comparison to the snow globe…especially somewhere that’s warm, as in Atlanta, so that the comparison isn’t in being covered with snow. Lovely!

    *hugs*
    Paula

     
    • margo roby

      07/05/2012 at 2:26 pm

      Thank you, Paula! Shaking, shaking…

      hugs — xom

       
  20. seingraham

    07/05/2012 at 7:14 pm

    Nice take on these eclectic words margo (eclectic in my view, that is) – I love the whole snow-globe aspect, unique and different from any other I’ve read … cool poem

    http://thepoet-tree-house.blogspot.ca/2012/05/things-of-which-we-believe-ourselves.html

     
    • margo roby

      09/05/2012 at 7:39 am

      Sharon, eclectic is a good way to describe a lot of the words we get! Thank you for your kind comment.

       
  21. Hannah Gosselin

    08/05/2012 at 6:48 pm

    Oh, I enjoy the idea of a life-sized snow globe and these lines really felt crisp to me:

    “cobalt contrast of the late
    evening sky, the blue deep as if from

    an artist’s fresh grind, the night clear
    and newly painted.”

    Very nice wordle, Margo!!

    http://wordrustling.wordpress.com/2012/05/08/resurgence/

     
    • margo roby

      09/05/2012 at 7:38 am

      Thank you, Hannah! I enjoyed playing with this one.

       

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