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Wordle #41 Response

29 Jan

An extra post this week, as I managed a wordle in response to Brenda’s words, which she pulled from “One Day You Wake Up,” by Ann Hunkins. You can find a link to the poem, as well as the responses of others if you head on over to The Sunday Whirl.

Reborn

Anguish comes
with greedy fire’s flame,
shocks the land
startles field
and forest, serenity
flash frozen, until

feet trample
earth’s permeable
skin, fresh born
from ashes,
trample, dig, plough, seed and plant,
green the earth’s new skin.

 

Process: I gave myself a little extra hair pulling by deciding to write my first shadormas [I don’t know. It seemed a good idea at the time.]. The decision to write a poem based on syllable count, can be tricky. It’s harder to get around a syllable count. I do have a couple of words that are shady. You would all have laughed if you could have seen me mouthing the words to see whether my mouth changed shape, and whether a two-syllable word might squeeze in as one. Perhaps a week when we have two four syllable words is not the best time to decide to try shadormas.

Have a good day, whether writing, or not.

 
38 Comments

Posted by on 29/01/2012 in exercises, poetry, writing

 

Tags: , , , , ,

38 responses to “Wordle #41 Response

  1. anl4

    29/01/2012 at 10:26 am

    I enjoyed what you did with the wordle words, thank you Margo.

     
    • margo roby

      29/01/2012 at 10:34 am

      You are welcome, annell. I’m late in getting around today, but have my coffee and am settling in to read 🙂

      margo

       
  2. viv blake

    29/01/2012 at 10:30 am

    I admire your shadorma enormously. I found it difficult this week and was late on parade!

     
    • margo roby

      29/01/2012 at 10:36 am

      Thank you, ViV. I admit, if I didn’t have the shadorma form to keep me spare, I might not have managed a poem from this one. I’m glad I tried the form and am about to go through small stones to see what I can convert.

      margo

       
  3. Mary

    29/01/2012 at 10:48 am

    Excellent use of the wordle words. I admire your skill in writing a shadorma from a word collection. They are difficult enough when one chooses all one’s own words. On top of that, your poem has a message. Indeed, after fire destroys the land, eventually comes rebirth. We can perhaps think of this in human terms as well. A person can be beaten down by circumstances, but with time (and effort and luck) can rise again.

     
    • margo roby

      29/01/2012 at 11:24 am

      Nice, Mary. I like your linking the poem’s theme to people.

      The shadorma ended up helping. I was having a difficult time with these words and the shadorma only gave me a narrow path to walk along, so that I could stay focused. I am looking forward to a proficiency 🙂

      margo

       
  4. nan

    29/01/2012 at 11:02 am

    Wow. Nicely done. The second stanza is perfect, evocative, like time-lapse photography.

     
    • margo roby

      29/01/2012 at 11:25 am

      Oh, I like that, nan: like time-lapse photography. Thank you.

      margo

       
  5. Marianne

    29/01/2012 at 11:06 am

    Good morning, Margo! This poem is just a wonderful little jewel. “Feet trample earth’s permeable
    skin, fresh born from ashes,” is a spectacular use of the wordle words. I applaud you for so beautifully tackling a syllabic poem, always an extra challenge.

     
    • margo roby

      29/01/2012 at 11:27 am

      Good morning, Marianne! Thank you for all the compliments. I shall bask 🙂

      margo

       
  6. pmwanken

    29/01/2012 at 11:07 am

    Yay! *\o/* Cheering for your shadorma! 🙂

    It really IS a great form…and well done, with those four-syllable words!!

     
  7. margo roby

    29/01/2012 at 11:28 am

    :D:D:D:D:D love your cheerleader!

    I shall probably spend the rest of the day looking for older work that I can convert!

    m

     
  8. wordsandthoughtspjs

    29/01/2012 at 11:42 am

    Oh, Margo, you are brave. I love that! Shadorma is one of my favourite forms. Your second stanza is awesome! Nicely done all round.

    Pamela

     
    • margo roby

      29/01/2012 at 11:50 am

      Thank you, Pamela! I have a feeling it will be one of my favourite forms, too.

      margo

       
  9. Laurie Kolp

    29/01/2012 at 12:50 pm

    The hearty earth lives on… love the message here, Margo… and the wordle words flow effortlessly. Great shardoma (the image of you mouthing the syllables cracks me up… the things we do).

     
    • margo roby

      29/01/2012 at 5:53 pm

      Thanks, Laurie. It cracked me up too when I realised I was trying not to change the shape of my mouth for the words I needed to be one syllable.

       
  10. whimsygizmo

    29/01/2012 at 5:49 pm

    Oh, margo. “…the shadorma only gave me a narrow path to walk along…”
    This.is.exactly.it. Exactly.
    You have put elegant words to why the shadorma has become one of my favorite forms over the past two years.

    Love yours, and the way the words drop lightly along that path. Beautiful.

     
    • margo roby

      29/01/2012 at 8:39 pm

      High praise on both counts, de. Thank you.

       
  11. Irene

    29/01/2012 at 6:33 pm

    I hear echoes in everyone’s pieces. I like the rebirth theme.

     
    • margo roby

      29/01/2012 at 8:49 pm

      I agree, Irene. That’s another fun thing about these wordles.

      This must mean yours is up. I’ll be along to read it.

       
  12. markwindham

    29/01/2012 at 6:38 pm

    excellent, and another reason I write then read – the inferiority complex would be too much to overcome. 🙂

     
    • margo roby

      29/01/2012 at 8:54 pm

      Aie! I never read first. For one thing if someone had the same idea, I’d freeze. For another there are people who write stunning poems. I suffer inferiority complexes with imagery and metaphor. 🙂

       
  13. tmhHoover

    29/01/2012 at 7:00 pm

    Reborn indeed. That you find ways to put these words to forms so quickly simply amazes me. Not to mention that I had to google what a shadormas is. The idea of haiku sends me into a tailspin, I continue to be amazed by the writing world.

     
    • margo roby

      29/01/2012 at 8:53 pm

      Not that fast, Teri. The words are in my inbox when I wake up Saturday. You’d never see me else. Get yourself on Brenda’s early list 😀

      Structured poems by form are easier in some ways. Because we are restricted, have guidelines to follow, the brain is distracted by figuring out how to put the words to the forms and doesn’t give such a hard time to the poem contents. The guidelines lead us. Those were my first shadormas but I only managed them because I overhauled a poem I has that wasn’t working.
      margo

       
  14. Janet

    30/01/2012 at 7:28 am

    Oh Margo, I laughed as you drew the picture of the process of ‘shaping’ your poem. I realized I do the same thing…I’ll be mumbling, tapping my fingers, slurring words to ‘invent’ a one-syllable version. Your efforts paid off! This is glorious from beginning to end. I cannot choose a favorite phrase.Now I must go and study the shadorma;)

     
    • margo roby

      30/01/2012 at 8:10 am

      I’m laughing that you laughed, Janet. It is funny. I can count syllables in my head, but the fingers always come out. As I like the shadorma, I suspect I will be doing a lot more mouthing. Thank you for your compliment.

      margo

      I found an easy way to approach the shadorma is to rework an old poem that has slightly more syllables than you need — 26. And if you have a long poem, why make each stanza a shadorma!

       
  15. julespaige

    30/01/2012 at 2:24 pm

    Fifty flogs with wet sea-weed? The words write themselves… really they do 🙂
    Now Margo you have me looking up the word shadorma…which my desk dictionary doesn’t seem to have!!!

    Mon Jan 30, 2012 With thanks to Brenda and the Sunday Whirl
    http://sundaywhirl.wordpress.com Wordie #41:
    born, feet, fresh, froze, earth, serenity, flame, anguish, shocks, field, startles, permeable
    The prequel? For those of you who have read the (what is turning out to be a) series so far…

    Minerva

    Daniel was the odd man out the eldest born son
    And not yet married he wondered what shocks
    Would reverberate through his family when he
    Was to finally announce his engagement

    He had always had an affinity towards the sea
    Where the permeable waters met with the earth at the shore
    As well as where in the fresh water springs would rise like magic
    Disappearing just as quick in his uncles’ farm field

    Daniel found that in times of personal anguish
    Especially in nights when the pond froze over in winter
    That his feet could carry him under the reflected flame of the sun
    Tugged by the serenity of the moon’s face – he could find peace…

    He was walking on such a night when he met her –
    Her fresh voice singing hauntingly there near the willow
    The sway of the empty branches caused the silent startles
    Of the leafless branches and pine shadows on the water

    Daniels was smitten with love at first sight
    There sitting at the end of the short pier was a woman
    He blinked as if in a dream watching her transform
    Her lower half of a fish tail into pearl-silver legs…

    He pledged to care for her as long as she would let him
    And to his surprise she agreed then and there to marry
    As soon as he picked her up to carry her back to his home
    It seemed as if a multitude of history filled his brain…including her name…

    JP/davh

     
  16. margo roby

    30/01/2012 at 2:45 pm

    Jules, you already know how I feel about the series. I hope you don’t run out!

    Wordle, dear Jules, wordle, not wordie!

    margo

     
    • Cathy

      31/01/2012 at 10:12 pm

      Lol I do that sometimes, spell wordle as wordie. Glad to see I’m not the only one that does that.

       
      • julespaige

        01/02/2012 at 8:34 am

        In my defense… if you aren’t looking… the letter i and l look quite similar. And ‘ie’ does make sense, but then I guess if you are making up words to being with the ‘le’ goes better with the L in whirl 🙂

         
  17. Kellie Elmore

    30/01/2012 at 3:28 pm

    you my dear are a master at weaving words! Love this, the pace, the form, the flow the imagery. All woven nicely for this wordle! Well done!

    my latest (not for the whirl)
    http://magicinthebackyard.wordpress.com/2012/01/30/death-to-a-salesman/

     
    • margo roby

      30/01/2012 at 3:46 pm

      Thank you, Kellie. I’m blushing, but I’m smiling too. Am on my way over to read.

      margo

       
  18. Diane Belleville

    30/01/2012 at 3:47 pm

    Destruction and rebirth, lovely ending.

     
    • margo roby

      30/01/2012 at 3:52 pm

      Thank you, Diane. The words led that way.

      margo

       
  19. brenda w

    30/01/2012 at 9:56 pm

    Margo, I love that your piece ends with a green spring. That’s what I’m hoping for, soon. I just reread the piece, and your notes. Now I am quite impressed, I had no idea you were shooting for syllable counts….it works. Excellent write, Margo. Thank you for your comments at the whirl this week, about Sunday mornings and coffee. I’m there with you most Sundays. It’s one of my favorite parts of the week.

     
    • margo roby

      31/01/2012 at 7:53 am

      I’ll give you our spring, Brenda. I am feeling quite cheated. I think we had a week of winter and even that didn’t require layers. I like to have a winter, not like yours, mind you, but cold and bundly weather.

      I enjoyed the syllable counting. It sometimes makes a better poem. As for Sundays at the Whirl,we may have to see if a real Sunday might happen one day, so we can eat that cake, of course.

      margo

       
  20. Cathy

    31/01/2012 at 10:13 pm

    Excellent job with the shadormas, i have no patient with counting syllable

     
    • margo roby

      01/02/2012 at 11:26 am

      Thank you, Cathy.

      In my youth I lacked the patience, but now enjoy the crafting to have poem and form work together. Like working a puzzle.

       

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