RSS

Poem Response to We Write Poems #58 + Wordle #8 +…

15 Jun

Hello dear readers. For those who are new, I occasionally post an extra when I have responses for other sites’ prompts. This is one. I’ll explain the poem’s origin [it’s complex] after the poem.

Poem pulled for submission.

I know: Really, Margo? This came into your brain when you looked at the wordle list? Not exactly. We Write Poems asked us to grab a theme from one of the single word sites, so I took endure from One Single Impression. Then we were to combine it with a word list so I waited for The Sunday Whirl. I looked at the list and thought: Mmm, difficult not to sound cliché. This will be tough. Meanwhile I had noted down a theme for the ezine Aesthetix which is “red car in the future”, My brain was doing nothing with it, so I threw it into the pot. You read what happened.

I would appreciate any comments, suggestions, critiques, as the poem is a draft, but I think can be worked on.

Be sure to visit We Write Poems and The Sunday Whirl to see what others have come up with.

Readers, I shall see you tomorrow for a discussion of some useful sites on language, and Tuesday for a your choice of form exercise.

 
30 Comments

Posted by on 15/06/2011 in exercises, poetry, writing

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

30 responses to “Poem Response to We Write Poems #58 + Wordle #8 +…

  1. vivenne blake

    15/06/2011 at 9:37 am

    Exciting. Different. Evocative. Very American!

    I will come back and read it again with a view to critiquing, which may take time: I’m off to a workshop with poet Katherine Gallagher, being held in an old mill 10 minutes from here. I went last year, and it was an enormous stimulation. This week I’m preparing readings etc for the first day, Sunday.

     
    • margo roby

      15/06/2011 at 9:56 am

      It is, isn’t it, Viv? American, that is — which is interesting because I consider myself American only by passport. I lived overseas for 46 years and was born overseas. It’s the corvette!

      Enjoy your day. I love workshops like that but haven’t found any nearby. I will look forward to your toothcombing my poem.

       
      • vivenne blake

        15/06/2011 at 11:52 am

        I shall enjoy my whole week’s workshop! And as for the food: gourmet gourmandising, cooked by a poet, all poetry.

         
    • margo roby

      15/06/2011 at 12:55 pm

      A WEEK! I am so jealous. A week and in France. I shall go into a corner and sulk. Do enjoy.

       
  2. Traci B

    15/06/2011 at 9:53 am

    I love it, Margo! An automotive industry history lesson and a great poem all in one shot. I can’t see a thing you need to change about it. Well done! 🙂

     
  3. margo roby

    15/06/2011 at 9:57 am

    Thank you, Traci! It was fun to write something different from my usual.

     
  4. brenda w

    15/06/2011 at 10:59 am

    Margo, This is inspired. It’s interesting to take poetry to places we don’t normally go. The unfolding history of car design, color, abstraction…lotus low to the ground. What a grand idea. It might be a little odd, but hey, I like odd, it makes me feel like I fit in. LOL I can’t think of suggestions to improve the poem, but really like the Picasso inclusion, how fascinating.
    ~Brenda

     
  5. margo roby

    15/06/2011 at 11:12 am

    Brenda, I couldn’t have done it without you! Your choice of words take me to new places. I so look forward to Sundays.
    margo

     
  6. Mr. Walker

    15/06/2011 at 12:09 pm

    Margo, no critiques here either. I’m impressed with how you worked in those wordle words – and it’s such a fascinating story. The form of your stanzas is great – and I think you did a fantastic job with the prompt, mixing in those ideas of “endure” and “red car in the future”.

    Richard

     
    • margo roby

      15/06/2011 at 1:13 pm

      Thank you, Richard. I figure as long as I managed to write to the red car prompt [thanks to your prompt idea for this week!], that I might as well submit the thing.

       
      • Mr. Walker

        16/06/2011 at 12:26 pm

        Glad you liked the prompt idea.

        I couldn’t reply to your reply on my blog, but I would love a must have list of books on poetry. Thanks for offering.

        Richard

         
      • margo roby

        16/06/2011 at 12:37 pm

        Well, it will be interesting to see how this reaches you. I had to reply to my original comment to you…

        The first four I know by heart, so while my library languishes back in Atlanta while I travel, here is where you can start:

        Poemcrazy by Susan Wooldridge
        In the Palm of Your Hand by Steve Kowit

        Those two are strictly poetry but the next two, while prose focused [really they are focused on the writing life] are worth having:

        Bird by Bird by Ann Lamott
        Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg [who has a new one out I need to get!]

        That will do to start and I shall give you the rest in August when I am back in Atlanta.

         
  7. wordsandthoughtspjs

    15/06/2011 at 12:43 pm

    Car design and Picasso. Wow! Margo, you did a splendid job of combining those prompts.

    Pamela

     
    • margo roby

      15/06/2011 at 1:15 pm

      Thank you, Pamela. I am loving the prompts we get!

       
  8. neil reid

    15/06/2011 at 12:49 pm

    OK, well yes, that’s different. Fur sure! But I also found the comments illuminating. American! Yes. (I don’t “think” that way oft, but, yes, this poem finds that home.) (Even if you don’t feel very American!) The story of the poem really opens a new understanding, surprisingly, and transforms the “ordinary” of a car into an art-realized. Interesting, yes.

    There’s nothing to change as such, but I’ll tell you the aspect I responded to most – the “conversation” with Picasso, that was the most energetic part for me. Maybe in another life this poem might play with that, expand, or center on that aspect, that relationship of artist and car. Slippery thought, but interesting. (And I don’t do that much myself, conversation within a poem, but it interests me – it’s lively, it’s direct, it’s engaging I think.) Good fun, good write Margo!

     
    • margo roby

      15/06/2011 at 1:20 pm

      Oh, Neil, I do love your comments.

      Interesting to hear what you, as the reader responded to and why. I will go back through with that in mind, in case I find a spot where I can insert a single comment from Picasso. I also don’t use conversation much, but I love poems that do…hmmm.

       
  9. b_y

    15/06/2011 at 12:58 pm

    I LOVE this. Whether it’s fact or whimsy, it’s a wonderful exploration of arts interacting.

     
    • margo roby

      15/06/2011 at 1:22 pm

      Thank you, Barb. I had fun inserting Picasso into Chevrolet’s history.

       
  10. Irene

    15/06/2011 at 5:27 pm

    I was captivated by the science-like documentary but unfolding and the heart of the whole piece was the call by Picasso, the artist’s call, and the image of a red stingray was real effective. Is that American, car history? Great poem soup, Margo!

     
  11. margo roby

    15/06/2011 at 5:41 pm

    Thank you, Irene. I confess that’s my favourite line, the red stingray. The corvette stingray, developed in the 60s is American car history, but Picasso is all me 😀

     
  12. Francis Scudelari

    15/06/2011 at 10:51 pm

    For me, the first few stanzas have a documentary feel, and then with the fourth stanza the tone shifts to something much more poetic and I got swept up in the passion of Picasso’s design. I especially like the line “as if settled in sleep.” Marrying Picasso and the corvette is a great idea, a history worth remaking :).

     
    • margo roby

      16/06/2011 at 8:59 am

      Thank you, Francis. Your comment makes me smile I wondered if the beginning was too concrete but haven’t liked any of the possible tweaks my brain has suggested and maybe the shift is good. I do like the second part when we have Picasso. Remaking history is fun.
      margo

       
  13. Mike Patrick

    16/06/2011 at 12:54 am

    I found nothing I could critique, but in the last couple of weeks, I’ve found that all poems are a draft. After it has been read, reread, tweaked, modified, updated, and allowed to age, the next reading inevitably finds something new to fix. Such is the lot of a poet.

     
  14. margo roby

    16/06/2011 at 8:56 am

    Absolutely, Mike. I have poems published that when I see them again, I think: Oh wait…much better if I do this!

    I don’t think a poem is ever finished. We may stop working on it because it has reached a stage we like and are satisfied with, but we change, and as we change, so do our views on what we write. Thank you for your comment on that. Revision is something I enjoy because I love to watch the evolution of the poem.

    Margo

     
  15. 1sojournal

    16/06/2011 at 9:44 am

    I also like the conversational part of the poem. Actually love the whole poem as an Artist’s statement: “as if settled in sleep.” And the individual with the key awakens all that sleek power, in red of course. I really like the unusual here, it makes the reader awaken as well, hopefully to some thoughts of sleek red something. Thanks again, Margo for your enthusiasm and supportive nature,

    Elizabeth
    http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/

     
  16. margo roby

    16/06/2011 at 11:31 am

    I drove a corvette once and remember that low to the ground feeling. I enjoy where all the prompts take me. I am traveling down paths I might never have seen. Thank you, as always, for your comments, Elizabeth.

     
  17. anjum wasim dar

    17/06/2011 at 4:49 pm

    wonderful poem Margo Great work Great Idea I really enjoyed it ,you are a great writer.

     
  18. margo roby

    17/06/2011 at 5:26 pm

    Thank you, Anjum.

     
  19. Mr. Walker

    20/06/2011 at 10:19 am

    Margo, thank you for the book recommendations. I was lucky enough to stumble on a used copy of In the Palm of Your Hand some time ago. Thanks for the reminder; it’s a book I need to revisit, as well as Writing Down the Bones. I love Natalie Goldberg. I also bought her Old Friend from Far Away on memoir writing, which is helping me write memoirs for my boys. I recently bought Bird by Bird for my nook, but haven’t started it yet; perhaps this summer. I have eyed Poemcrazy, so I will pick it up on your recommendation. Thanks.

    Richard

     
    • margo roby

      20/06/2011 at 10:40 am

      My pleasure, Richard. I have a couple more, but need to get back home to see the title of one and another which I need to read first. So, I’ll be back in August with a couple more. On the recommendation of another writer I also have bird and tree books for the area where I live, so if I want something specific, I can give it a name.

      margo

       

Join the discussion and feel free to critique, or suggest an idea for any poem I post.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: