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Another Poem: in Response to Wordling Whirl #6

30 May

Yep! ‘Tis me…again. I’m trying to get myself into the wordling whirl of Sunday‘s schedule, rather than coming in late as with my last poem. I’m not sure about the poem, so any comments/suggestions are welcome. They would be welcome even when I am sure. I like the idea, but it’s rough still. All words included.

Pulled for revision.

Stop by the site to see what others have done. I shall see my regulars and all drop-ins tomorrow for a relaxed prompt and a bit of a breather; Thursday for a surprise break from words to watch out for, as my blog has been hijacked [with permission] for the day–do stop by and see; and Friday for the roundup.

 
24 Comments

Posted by on 30/05/2011 in exercises, poetry, writing

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

24 responses to “Another Poem: in Response to Wordling Whirl #6

  1. anjum

    30/05/2011 at 5:54 pm

    Intense dramatic action in the remark ‘cries foul’ and ‘pulling a cloak’ leaves the reader sympathizing with the Protagonist of the poem ‘Pluto’ .
    The questions arise: What crime has been committed? what sin revealed ? what motive unfolded? that caused the banishment . A ‘fallen’ One betrays the trust of the Omnipotent and must serve the penalty imposed. here we find a hint of defiance in ‘unafraid’ against the wind ‘ and driving the ‘black horses’ ‘no turn tail’. Life moves on in another world. This time from the high skies to the ‘twilight zone’ and yet if further antagonistic stands are taken then it might be further banishment to the ” secret horrors of the underworld’
    A great classic ‘word gathering’ of ideas in poetic form- a powerful narrative reflect the Greek Classic Mythology. It was a pleasure to read and review. M

     
    • margo roby

      31/05/2011 at 7:57 am

      Thanks for the review, Anjum. I enjoyed reading it.

       
      • anjum

        31/05/2011 at 9:19 am

        Dear M I used to review poems online a few years back,to keep my poetic thoughts alive .Your poem was so striking I loved reviewing it ,

         
  2. brenda w

    30/05/2011 at 6:07 pm

    Oh, I love “he drives his black horses into the twilight world.” This is a wonderful response to the world. Pluto is getting his due.

    I don’t know what’s up with the comments at the Sunday Whirl… Once school is out (next week!), I’ll have time, and I’m thinking of having a Mister Linky above the comments. I need to read about it a bit first. Look for that the second Sunday in June.

    I’m so glad to have met you Margo. Your words are always a pleasure to read.
    ~Brenda

     
    • margo roby

      31/05/2011 at 7:58 am

      And I you, Brenda. I feel like a void in my writing life has been filled. So glad you are now part of my life every week.

       
  3. 1sojournal

    30/05/2011 at 6:35 pm

    Second one I’ve read today to rework a myth. I love it. I started out years ago by objecting to the Lilith myths and am always fascinated when others find different avenues for these oldest of stories. I like the vived imagery you have created from the words, and especially like those last couple of lines. Brava!

    Elizabeth

     
    • margo roby

      31/05/2011 at 8:00 am

      Thank you, Elizabeth. I am still put out at Pluto losing planethood, so thought he and I would state our feelings!

       
  4. vivinfrance

    31/05/2011 at 1:04 am

    The opening of this poem cries DRAMA (as well as Foul)
    and the ending is superb. I have a feeling that the poem needs more middle, I want to know the why and the how of it. I’m sure you’ll come back to this soe time.

     
  5. vivinfrance

    31/05/2011 at 1:06 am

    some! I just realised that I was reading a wordle poem – such is your skill that I had completely forgotten!

     
    • margo roby

      31/05/2011 at 8:01 am

      Thank you for the compliment and the suggestion. I agree. I had no problem with the beginning and end but struggled through the between. I may bring in a family row, as Pluto’s father and brothers are still up there, planeting.

       
  6. Sharp Little Pencil

    31/05/2011 at 1:58 am

    This was amazing! I did the Wordle as well, and all of ours are strikingly different. I, too, was extremely put out when scientists “downgraded” Pluto from planet to… sphere? Big ball of dust that doesn’t play well with the rest of the planets? I mean, I was upset! Good job, Margo, so glad to see you again. Amy
    http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/05/30/twilight-ablaze/

     
  7. margo roby

    31/05/2011 at 8:05 am

    Thank you, Amy. That’s exactly what I was writing about. And I love your comment about not playing well. That’s how I picture Pluto: first, he’s waaaay out in space and then he’s told we don’t want you. I’d take my marbles and go home, too.

     
  8. annell Livingston

    31/05/2011 at 8:23 am

    You did a very good job, with a wordle that I found to be hard!

     
  9. margo roby

    31/05/2011 at 8:28 am

    Thank you, Annell. I find wordles work for me immediately or not at all. I have been lucky with this and the last one.

     
  10. Henry Clemmons

    31/05/2011 at 9:34 am

    I really liked this. Very smooth and visual.

    http://henryclemmonspoet.blogspot.com/2011/05/below-haze-wordle-6.html

     
    • margo roby

      31/05/2011 at 9:41 am

      Thanks, Henry. After your comment I had to go back and look. You are right: visual imagery but not the other senses. Now yours is a feast for the senses.

       
  11. Traci B

    31/05/2011 at 9:49 am

    Excellent poem, Margo! I like how Pluto responded to his planetary demotion (if that’s what this is about; if not, I still like it). 🙂

     
    • margo roby

      31/05/2011 at 9:52 am

      Thank you, Traci! Only a couple people realised that that is indeed what this poem is about. And after writing this, I’m even more with poor Pluto 🙂

       
  12. Mr. Walker

    01/06/2011 at 11:07 am

    Margo, this is wonderful. The way you blend the fallen planet and the fallen god – amazing. “leaves the fires / of Heaven behind” – love that one.

    Richard

     
  13. margo roby

    01/06/2011 at 11:12 am

    Thank you, Richard. I had particular fun with this one.

     
  14. Cathy

    03/06/2011 at 11:00 pm

    Pluto is planet!!! Yea i was miff about his downgrade too

    Very good poem. love the anger in it

     
    • margo roby

      04/06/2011 at 12:17 am

      Thanks, Cathy. Yep! Pluto and I are miffed!

       
  15. Poets United

    05/06/2011 at 10:10 am

    As Poets United reaches its first anniversary this coming week we want to thank you for your support. Over the past year we have grown to 250 members plus and are steadily growing. Poets United is proud to have you as one of our members and look forward to another successful year. Your imagination, creativity and willingness to share with us is what makes our community such a wonderful place. Thank you for beautiful poetry and thank you for being a part of Poets United.

     
    • margo roby

      05/06/2011 at 10:26 am

      What a lovely way to start my day, Poets United. Thank you so much for your comment. Having a group like you helps us. So bravo on your first year.

       

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